I don't have a culture. White people don't understand me. People at the Mexican church, they understand me. But I still just don't know them all that well. I'm getting there though - my adventure yesterday was going to a baby shower for a lady I didn't know. It was fun though!
Anyhow, today hasn't been such a good day for me. I'm cranky. I even talked for quite a while on the phone to one of my "gringa friends" in the area, and we just don't have a lot in common I guess. That's okay though, it's still nice to talk to her. Then there's "la situacion" as I will call it - the one that me and Elsy have in common. Franklin was the victim today in listening to my rants about it. I've thought about maybe not even writing anything about it because I have no intention of EVER telling anyone about it in this blog, so it's weird to write about it since I'm really not explaining myself. But Franklin understands me, like Elsy and Luisa. Go figure, 3 of my closest latino friends. In fact, I guess you could say Fran has a similar situation as me. I'll bet many people have a "la situacion" but just different.
I keep hoping that when I move to Mexico, I'll love it sooooo much that I won't miss Honduras as much, and my "situaciones" will work themselves out. Especially "LA situacion." But I have a feeling that I'm still here in Oregon because my "situaciones" aren't worked out. That and the fact that for litterally the past 2 years - more now probably - every single day I miss being in Honduras. Even last summer when I was there, I dreaded the day I had to leave. Now I am playing with the idea of going back in like a month - several people have asked me to come to camp and I want to just go as a participant, and to hang out with my friends. But I'd have a problem of where to stay - my homes are already full of gringas. Fran said the boys would move into the hallway room so I could stay there. Ha! That would sick for them, plus it would really be bad for Marlia's team dynamics to have a foreign gringa staying there, I think it would be really weird for everyone. Then there's the whole "I'm raising financial support and my supporters very well may think that I'm wasting money paying $600 to go to youth camp." $600 is for the airplane, then add $25-$30 for the camp, and everything else is basicaly free. But I don't think I'm going. Luisa told me I should buy a ticket to get there, then they'd raise money to send me back home. Too bad that doesn't really work.
Ok, I feel like a mental case today. I need to go to bed, get a good nites' sleep, and go on with my life.
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